The smell of coffee in the room was the only pleasant thing about that evening. Mark was drinking it in a cup with an image of her last trip with Lauren to Europe. It was one of the many souvenirs they got from that place. That was one of his many attempts to make her forget about babies, doctors, procedures and similar topics. Although, she did not care about his purposes and made an appointment with a fertility expert while they were in Switzerland. He was tempted to leave her in the middle of the holidays because he felt betrayed by her and her shocking ways. While he was was watching a small street with tourists buying things in different stores, he only could watch through the window, captivated by the movement of the wind making the everyone’s clothes dance graciously. For a few seconds, his mind rests from the constant issue in his relation. When his mind returns to them, the only thought in his mind was how and when he would to tell her wife that their marriage will end.
He took the decision two months ago when she arrived with this fantastic idea about a special celebration for his 35th birthday. Lauren was never spontaneously engaged with something different than getting pregnant in the last two years, which was downright annoying. He thought this would be the sign he was searching to see if their relationship would go through a better path. However, the pressure to please her wife in the last two years was something Mark would not want to pursue any longer. Even when he tried in different ways to mold her mind. The process drained his motivation to become a better partner.
Sometimes, he felt like he could not make her happy and satisfy her expectations. At least he had enough courage to be direct with her one afternoon when he sits next to her on the blue sofa while she was typing something on her computer. Without losing more time, his blue eyes had a sad and cold expression, her full front shows the little drops of sweat, even with a regulated temperature in the room. For the first time, he looked weak sitting on his sofa; his five feet nine inches could not hide his insecurity while he asked her:
-“What could I do?” – and her silence was the worst response to his doubts.
She only watched him while she denied any explanation. He felt like he lost his value in front of her wife’s eyes. The situation made him feel like a total loser. He never experienced something like it before. The fight between his feelings and the lack of possibilities to help her to become what she needs to increase his inner perception of being an obstacle to her happiness. Meanwhile, she was obsessed with this idea of becoming a mother, which was something expected of any women of her age. Although the troubles with their bodies’ functions could not let them experience what most of her friends and relatives have.
The most significant change got exposed in their friendship. It was like they would not be able to trust in each other in the same way. She knew herself; she would not hurt him explaining all her feelings because she did not want to make more difficult the inconvenient perception he had of being blamed for everything. However, her silence was the worst part. He could not feel like he was able to do something for giving a better outcome possible. He felt like he was in part responsible for her wife’ suffering. Also, he must try to keep her faith active even when his primary goal was something he was not completely sure to accomplish, not matter how hard he have been working.
Choosing the right words to express all of this to her was almost impossible. He could not understand what she would do after listening about his decision. Is she going to be mad or sad? The possibility that she accepted the situation as something she would comprehend was far from his mind. With all her interest in the last two years for getting pregnant, he would know that her character does not let her see things as him without taking actions to transform it. And that is his worst fear.
He was not interested in trying to make this marriage work. For him, it was over for the last year and a half. He was only trying to see if there would be any possibility to change his mind or avoiding the worst scenario between them. However, this case has not changed. Their commitment in this relationship was moved by her doctor’s appointments, procedures, expectations, checking schedules to have more possibilities for her. Everything was about her and even when it sounds quite complicated for someone who loves her so deeply at the beginning, he could not stand this situation anymore. He only wanted to stop living this insane process of feeling miserable every time he could not accomplish as he expected.
The hardest part in this was watching her disappear under this desire.
Her business’ partner, Jordan, came into the office with a new building contract. Tall, blond, thin, looking at least five years younger than Mark, he has known his friend since College. This situation and the usual silence from his business partner had not surprised him. Especially, when Mark used to tell him her feelings about this particular case. His advice was “he must find someone else because he thought that Mark was just tired of this situation”. In spite of all the years, they were happily together; he could not manage the situation anymore. Nobody would tolerate the situation any longer.
– “Hey, Mark. I have got the papers we talked in the morning. I need you check and sign them. How was your birthday celebration? I know we are gonna have something next Friday.”
– “Yes, I know.”
– “Are you still thinking about ending your marriage?”
– You are always so charming as I reminded you in high school. It is possible. Not sure about how, when or what she is going to do but I am confident that I would not be able to follow her in this process…this thing is over.
Jordan cannot understand why Mark could not just adopt a kid and make her wife happy. For him, that would be the easiest path for both of them. Although he felt sorry for Lauren, she was always this delicate woman that was always trying to be the perfect wife so the fact that she would not be able to get pregnant in this clan of people with beautiful houses, nice cars, and wealth, made her feel out of the system. Apparently, the situation made her feel like crap, especially when women she knew were dedicated, wife and mothers.
Jordan know Lauren for a long time because his sister used to go to the same high school with her, they were very close, so the opportunity of seeing this couple experiencing a difficult situation was hard, especially, when he used to try to be more than friends with Lauren. He was convinced that Mark was right about feeling exhausted but never understood the reason for a divorce, for him Lauren would be the perfect wife for everyone. After dating a bunch of hippies, free spirits, new age girls, yuppies, some hard nuts and other similar kooky girls, he could not believe how lucky Mark was to find someone like Lauren, whom just was trying to have a baby. A whole regular thing in his mind.
-“Mark, I know I do not like to get into the relationship but, Are you nuts? – He watches his friend trying to keep eye contact.
-“I have known Lauren for ages and even when she is quite obsessed with the idea to become a mother, she would be better than the crazy chicks I used to know. What are you going to do later? My question is, do you love someone else? Because I know you felt quite sure of loving her enough to marry her.”
Mark could not keep his eyes watching Jordan’s face. Start to see his coffee cup while he was was trying to figure out how he would answer the question. It was true Mark got married to her after falling in love, but it does not mean Mark could explain to Jordan the obnoxious details of feeling useless in this marriage while Mark could not give her the only thing she wants. The pressure of knowing her happiness could not exist while he was not doing what was supposed his responsibility as a husband.
-“Look Jordan, it would be easier to say ‘there’s someone else’ but that is not the reason if you are trying to understand by yourself what is going on? Lauren needs to be happy, and I am not able to satisfy her, and you do not know how difficult is to see her dying for getting kids. I see in her eyes. Perhaps, she never speaks her mind, but I know”-
Still watching his cup, he drinks a little of his coffee like taking a pause and then he expressed. “You do not go with her to our friends’ parties and watching her looking all around her like waiting for her time in a game while her lips were trying to show a smile, it is sad, it is misery, and it is my fault.”
Jordan watches how Mark was drinking from his coffee cup quickly and thinking what he must reply to these words. That was true; he could not understand what he was saying, but he would never leave someone like Lauren. When Jordan was younger, one of his regular activities was trying to get her attention, but she always was honest about seeing him as a friend so there would not be possibilities to have that kind of romantic interchange.
He understood, but he never feels completely comfortable as someone, who used to share time with the couple because the situation was eventually weird. However, Jordan appreciates Mark and even when Jordan was trying to avoid bad feelings toward him, he was not glad about it. For the first time, he was not the only guy hiding what means for him not being able to satisfy Lauren. Under these circumstances, the truth was that Mark learnt to understand what Jordan had been feeling for ages every time he watched how she never sees him like someone who she would love.
-“Mark, I think you are wrong. Why are you not trying to figure out a better alternative for her? Adopt a baby and she will be happy. Why do you want to make our interactions complicated? When the solution is so simple. You have enough money, you are responsible, she would be a terrific mother. Why do you need time for seeing what should be the easiest path in front of your eyes? I cannot understand you. It is illogical, you are choosing the worst option.”
The truth was Jordan lost his mind while he made his best effort to make his friend recover his sense. Mainly, when he stays with this woman. Probably, he would have married her with better luck. For him, Mark was acting like a jerk.
Mark was surprised. Jordan has never spoken to him like a father. The divorce probably was not the best decision. Nonetheless, he really was trying to make him notice a mistake, there was never a similar expression of anger in Jordan’s reaction to his thoughts or decisions. This particular excessive rage was something he had never seen before.
-“I think you should understand that you are worried about this, but I am not going to raise children, who are not mine. Do you have any free thought about something like it?”
-“You are selfish.”- Jordan said raising his voice.
. “I am not, I would like to have three, four, five, a dozen, but I want to have my own kids. What I cannot stand it is watching her feeling unsatisfied most of the time, only thinking how to get pregnant while I could not do anything else. It is killing me. The main reason she had not been saying a thing to me about it during this time, it is because she keeps searching methods, planning every detail, thinking about to make this process works. However, I am getting tired everything.”
-“You are right; probably you should leave her.”
-“What!…I am mad at her… Do not be confused by my words; I love her, but I am not able to keep going watching her being the saddest person in the world and I will not change my mind about what I want. I want to be the father, but we need a break…”
-“She will never accept it.” Jordan.
-“I know, I fell in love with her in part for that stupid reason. She never goes against what I said, but she always finds any option to follow her purposes.”
-“I know her. You are lucky. She is just trying to have a baby.”
-“Jordan, I know what are you trying to do here. Do you want to change my position? Stop it, now!”- He could not halt the smile on his face knowing how this was going to end.
Jordan’s laugh was excessive, but he just was trying to give his friend a different perception about what he was asking for her mate and the lack of intelligence he was applying to make his marriage works, but Mark was always in that way. Sound in her responsibilities but a complete mess about his feelings. He only found the best alternative in Lauren, who used to live to think about what she wants and needs.
The mobile phone rings and Mark check the ID, it was Lauren, who was upset about he would not be at home early as she requested and he answered. Meanwhile, Jordan was a little bit concerned about not being invited to this celebration. However, after his last encounter with Lauren, there would be no doubts about why she was not feeling any desire to share time with him nearby Mark.
Now, he was convinced that it would take longer before they could speak again. He was concerned about Lauren’s reaction and he was waiting to see her soon. Furthermore, when she is an important person in his life, but he could not stop his inner desire to take this chance to think what would happen between Lauren and him if she divorces from his friend. No, she probably still sees him as his kind friend.
Mark ended to speak, and then he said to his friend:
-“Well, I need to leave. Wish me luck.”
-“I only could say ‘Stop being a complete asshole.’”
Mark just leaves the place and walks with his suitcase to the door while he was saying to Jordan that he will see him next day at the office. Even when Jordan was not feeling excited about being excluded from the celebration, he knows Lauren. She was this kind of women trying to minimize the possibilities of making a situation more complicated than it was at the moment.
She was not interested in making him comfortable while risking his relationship with Mark. Especially, when she knows how Mark feels about him in the last twelve years. Of course, Jordan was searching and getting new girlfriends but it was like he was trying to avoid finding someone like Lauren, he always choose what would be defined as the opposite of her, which makes him feeling completely unsatisfied. Sometimes, he landed in relations with real possibilities, but he always was superficial about his interest and everything ended like a the waste of time.
Camille, her sister, was invited to the dinner, and it makes him feel a little bit angry toward Lauren. He was sure that even when Lauren had learnt to control her bad reactions every time he could not use his intelligence to control his old feelings for her, she always knew how to act. Furthermore, she was capable that nobody else noticed the situation. He used to hate this behaviour because it makes him feel invisible. However, both understood that the main reason for acting in this way was trying to protect Mark from Jordan’ s immature behaviour.
Camille was like an angry mother every time she must talk about his actions; she could not believe what exactly was he trying to get from that situation. Providing him with sincere recommendations about the importance of what would mean if he gets in the middle of this couple, the exact words used to be:
– “She knew about your feelings before getting married, which means she chooses to share her life with your friend. What you do is disgusting. STOP IT!” –
However, Jordan’s character do not let him act in a different way because sometimes, he even could not explain how to determine her feelings for Lauren. These comments let him feel a little bit bother by the usual pressures of watching the woman he had loved with Mark, who he also appreciates and respect. Without doubts, he could not hide what exactly was happening in his mind while he was watching Lauren’s obsession make happy his best friend. He was still captivated by the feelings he got since the first time he saw her.
Both growing closer but she always was aware that she did not feel an attraction or romantic interest while they were growing up, which was normal. He used to have a girlfriend in high school, but her feelings for Lauren changed when he attended her sister’s graduation. When he was aware that he would see Lauren after two years, he could not believe; the experience was like watching something for the first time. It was not like he was blind in front of her beauty. Although Jordan felt impressed by her at that moment.
He always considers putting his friendship before his interest as a mistake in his life. He was with Mark in the event, and that was when they fall in love with each other; this was an awkward and unpleasant coincidence in his life. It was never like he did not try to express his feelings, but it never works out with her. She always was interested in Mark since the first time they met each other. It was something awkward and strange, but it was like he never could approach to her without being treated as a sibling, he loves the emotion, but it was not enough. The first time Lauren and Mark broke up, he tried to be with her.
However, all his strategies to get closer to her were a complete fiasco. He remembered how he tried to convince Lauren to go on a romantic date. Nothing works, he was extremely nervous to make her feel different towards him, but the opportunity did not survive. Also, Lauren’s mother was all the time keeping him away from Lauren. Every time he tried to make her feel interested. She was not able to hide from him her doubts about the situation.
She was honest, it was not about him. However, it was heartbreaking watching how she enjoyed a variety of sweet and soft actions with Mark before but with him nothing like that would happen. Of course, those details make him feel a little bit discourage about his ability to attract someone, especially, her. How could be possible that knowing her so well would not let him be better in the game of loving her?
Why did she do something like it? Accepting his request but not offering a possibility for this love. There should be a way to make her feel bad about the past, how she tried to make him feel uncomfortable. Perhaps, a silly revenge against Mark for every time he made notorious references to his feelings in front of others. The last time he was alone with Lauren, he was trying to discover more about Lauren’s feelings, and he was almost sure she was interested.
Regardless, what he risks for confronting her while she was visiting Charlotte’s house but they must see each other while her family was enjoying a birthday party for her daughter Isolde, whom Lauren was her godmother. During the event, Mark was absent because he had a business travel so he would have more time to discuss the things, which bothered him from Lauren’s behaviour.
When the children started to enjoy their time in the bouncy castle and Camille began to prepare some details for the cake in the kitchen. He was convinced to know what he needs to do, he called Lauren to taste some of the desserts that Camille chose for the event. He could not believe that her sister wants something like Macaroons for four-year-old children, that was insane, and he knew they probably were a gift from Lauren, who loves to spend money on her sister’s children while she was trying to have one for herself.
They had the opportunity to discuss more details about the reasons behind her change of behaviour in the last months towards him. He was not sure if she behaves in that way because she started to have problems with Mark during those months. However, he did not believe that he should consider the way she acted as something normal. It was true that their friendship changed a lot after she got married because she cannot tolerate his behaviour.
Mark was aware of Jordan’s feelings but at the same time, he never would suspect or believe that Jordan would try anything with Lauren, especially, when her girlfriend then used to be completely honest about what type of relation she got with Jordan since they met years earlier. The party was placed in Camille’s garden, there was enough space for children, bouncy castles, tables with candies and chocolates with colourful designs. Lauren was checking something, she wears a white dress with the light-brown belt which matched with her red-haired and green eyes, he was so focused on looking at her that he almost forgot all the things he was trying to keep in his mind while walking to her.
He kissed her on her right check while she was smiling at him. Immediately, she looked at him smiling and said:
– “Where is your girlfriend, Arianna? She went again to a Mind, Body and Spirit Festival. She was lovely, but I have never believed she would be your type.”
– “We broke up three weeks ago.”
– “What? Why did you end the relationship? You look pleased to share your time with her. You have never said nothing wrong about the relationship. What did it happen?”
– “She believed that I was not focused on our relationship. She told me something like “we are together because I do everything in this relationship. You are not even trying to go further with me to make better our ….”
– “And now you are going to find another weird girlfriend to surprise your parents. Why have you done the same for so lo…?”
– “Because you are married.”
– “That was not funny or entertaining. Behave.”
The expression on her face was genuinely unpleasant. Her eyes just lost her calm. She even looks how Jordan just harmed her with those words. He immediately reminds what was supposed to be their talk that day but as usual, she just made his mind collapsed after the first minutes, so he asked:
-“We need to talk about your negative attitude every time I made a joke you did not enjoy at all. What is the deal?”
– “I just do not like you say something like that. Someone could hear you. Also, we have been friends for a long time but nobody ignores that you had feelings for me before I got married to Jordan so I need you understand I do not want to provide others the chance to start rumors about our relationship under my circumstances as Mark’s wife. I have never been disrespectful to him. If he is your friend, you should do the same.”
Jordan was surprised by her reaction. He would never expect something like it while he was preparing himself to discuss the situation about why did she act so neurotic in the last months.
Even though there should have been a better moment to talk about it. – “Why are you acting in such ways? What is your problem with me lately? Why do you act like a crazy bitch from the hell?”
All those questions were in his mind, but he would not be able to express nothing while he was watching her putting some boxes with desserts on the table. However, he could not hide the angry tone in his voice revealed:
– “We need to talk. You should not speak to me in that way.”
Lauren was completely shocked by his bloody eyes and one of her veins in his front, which she only had seen in few occasions. Especially, when someone did something wrong. She pressed her lips, breath and later she only could say:
-“I see you in 10 minutes in the girls’ room. We need to put some gifts there.”
That was the only answer from Jordan. He cannot believe what he just was done. He never talked to her in that way. But he was sure that they must discuss the details about the clashes in this friendship.
While Lauren was putting every gift on the floor in a pile to be attached with a long lace and carry them to Isolde’s bedroom.
There would be no chance or opportunity to hide from the uncomfortable meeting with his friend. She was utterly speechless after what happened in the garden. She knew that he had some interest in her, but that happened years before. There was not the reason to keep any feeling about that situation in the present.
Furthermore, when she got married. What is going on in Jordan’s mind? What exactly he needs to express to her now. She knew that the reasons behind her intense reaction were stopping him from performing a joke as a romantic partner in front of Isolde’s birthday guests. He could not understand that her marriage has to suffer enough pressure from other issues to confront more troubles provoked by any rumor about her having a stupid situation with his friend.
Even when she was trying to avoid make herself got caught in any type of conflict about what was going on between them, she never had the intention to hurt the feelings of his best friend. The situation was really awkward for her, she probably had seen his angry eyes in that condition only four or five times in the last ten years. For example, when he was not able to simulate his anger from a particular situation like destroying his first car in an accident, which was her father’s gift at 16th birthday, or when he could not study at the University, he wanted.
In conclusion, only events or situations that would be determined as crucial in his life. However, she believes she could not be crucial for him. They were friends, there were not issues between him and her, as she sees it. Of course, she would not ignore the way he tried to conquer her while she broke up with Mark, for like two months but later they got back together and eventually got married.
No matter how hard Jordan tried to define a path between both of them, the truth is she always looks friendly but distant. In his mind, they were made to be together, but this feeling did not disappear completely through the years. He was always relaxed, funny, clumsy, entirely different from Mark, who used to be more private about himself all the time, a characteristic she found sexy at the beginning.
Jordan was different; he always was trying to make feel everyone in a good mood. He was an excellent advisor, a trustworthy friend, there was nothing wrong with him, but they know each other too much, and that was something Lauren found great, but when they tried to be close in a different way, she felt like he did not want to be hurt.
Putting the gifts in a box, Jordan only was seeking to calm himself and focus his mind this time about what he need to say to Lauren. He was mad at her for treating him in the same way for so long. Jordan cannot tolerate it anymore. He was upset, all done with her bullshit. She had always acted in the same way, like a perfect idiot. He knew when she met Mark how his possibilities just went to the dust bin, there were not the chance.
Lauren always comes to home with the same type of guy and Mark was all that a go-getter. He does not ask for permission and never accepts the idea that something was unachievable, his mistake was giving them an opportunity to stay together, which was utterly senseless. How could did he let something like this happen between them? A complete moronic decision but when he would be able to stop it, it was too late. They just fell in love immediately, at least Mark was crazy for her during those days. She was a little bit more quiet about her intentions, but his charm and attitude infatuated her. He could not believe that everything could be getting worse between them. He knew that Mark was convinced of asking for the divorce, but he never imagined that it will happen.
Lauren would do anything for stopping him. She would not lose her life under Mark’ sensation of being against the wall. The truth was he did not understand her, she got everything that a woman would like to have a beautiful home, enough money to spend without being scared, a man who loved her, friends, among other things. Why would she become so obsessed with having this child?
In the last months, he was asking these things all the time, but Jordan knew that becoming a mother was for her one of the most important goals in her life. Since she was young, she always expressed her interest in having a big family so what Lauren was experiencing would be like being less successful to Mark. She could not stand the idea of watching everyone with children while she was going to different doctors to have them. Mark was not helpful with his selfish position of avoiding adoption. Jordan still could not get why Mark was punishing her. He always loved her. At the beginning of their relationship, Mark always sacrificed many things for her.
He took the box upstairs to go to her niece’s bedroom. Charlotte was not a lover to spend money on luxuries like her friend, but the home improvements would be recognized as an interesting change. She opted to use her Minimalist taste from her first years of marriage to an inspiring, and relaxing style inspired by her Beach House. The tones beige, cream, blue, brown, white, could be found everywhere, she was inspired by some recommendations from Lauren, who used to work as professional recreating spaces as an interior designer.
There was her taste in some details; he cannot stand it anymore this endless event where they would share their lives while he could not inhibit his feelings towards her. He had enough of it. Besides, watching her being mean and cruel against his manners to her was the worst experience. Accepting her desire and decision to love someone else was hard enough in the last years. Now, watching her becoming a downright mysterious and angry woman would be the worst. Especially, when he was not able to fight his feelings, it was the situation of watching her getting in trouble with Mark under the circumstances of their lack of possibilities to have children which let him believe again in what would be his opportunity to get her. Not a pleasant thought but motivated by his human condition of still expecting something from her.
Lauren was standing in front of the window gazing the children playing in the playground. Every detail of her different fertility’s doctors came to her mind. From the first until her last holidays, where Mark lost his mind about what she planned behind his back. There was a robust discussion about her scheming approach to fulfilling her needs; he was not able to keep going with it anymore. She cries and her only desire was fighting for what she has been expecting since she was a child. It was such an unfair and selfish attitude about not interested in trying adoption. Why does he prefer this circle of discontent between them? While they should have found the best of them while trying to overcome this obstacle, it was very clear that it only had provoked damaged to their relationship. They would not be able to share more time together without starting a discussion about the issue. Furthermore, the attack about who was responsible for their problem appeared every time they were trying to discuss any topic about the process to become parents. It was never so involved to like in the last year. Especially for Mark because he was the reason. She never used that word to define him, but that was she thought. There was something in him that she could not understand why do Mark avoid to become the father. When she asked about the reasons to avoid adoption, he never gives a good response except for expressing that he preferred to raise his own children. This situation was extremely delicate because it was something he probably got from his father and the sense of having their blood running in the family. However, she only could see the situation like something stupid. It does not mean that after some time, they would not be able to have their own children, the main issue was waiting too long for it to happen when they would adopt at least one child while they will pursue the search for a new baby. Everything was ridiculous in her mind.
Jordan’s voice was direct and cold. He always expressed his tension with a different tone. There was like not many changes in how he said what he needed to.
-“First, I want you to know that my reaction, provoked by your stupid comments in the last three or four months. I understood you are having some trouble with your husband, but it does not mean that I need to tolerate your behaviour.”
Her face was pale; she was not sure about what to express after listened to those words. What exactly did he define as stupid comments? She only was trying to act in the same way since they knew each other. She was not sure what she should reply after listening to his words. After one minute she could say
-“What is your problem? What are you trying to express? How has Mark something to do in all this mess? You are acting like a complete asshole just because you want.”
Jordan’s face changes. Suddenly, he was looking at her with the same red tone in her eyes forcing himself to avoid a scene in the bedroom when the only thing he would like to do it was screaming at her.
-“Did you listen what I have already told you?”
-“What is going on with you? Every time you had an opportunity you were acting like a bitch criticizing who I was dating, the things I am doing, my work, everything.”
This time, the silence in the room was longer. Lauren was not able to deny his words. It is true that she has been a little annoying with him in the last few months, but she never expected that he would perceive what was going between them in that way. Lauren felt the pressure to explain herself, give him a good explanation about her behaviour, but it was harder for her to tell that probably the situation with his husband was making her feel anger against Jordan for giving her incomplete attention while discussing his relationships. She could not ignore that he probably would not be so selfish like Mark. There were too many things to share and most of them only increase the antipathy between them or affect their relationship, so she avoids to tell him every detail about what she was thinking, and she could explain:
– “It is true that I have been making some jokes, but there were silly comments about your relationships, nothing harmful or extremely cruel like you wanted to see it. I am really sorry if I have said or done something so terrible to you.”
After saying her words, she knew that he was satisfied with her explanation, which of course sounded futile and banal, some words with complete sense but without the soul. There were no feelings like someone else was forcing to you to express that, but it was not your main wish. She feels a lot, but she did not want to let him know about it because he certainly will do something stupid. Jordan has never been a man who controls his feelings and even when she was extremely attracted to this part of him; she was pretty confident about Mark’ s character. Even now, that he was so utterly convinced to do what he sees as the right decision to him. She could not lie about what she found peculiar about him at the beginning of their relationship.
-“Do you believe that it was enough? We have met for more than 13 years and you think that was something I could accept.”- He started to laugh while she was extremely worried and annoyed by his reaction. It was not natural; she expected a severe reaction but of course, she was talking to Jordan. He never would be able to be serious for a long time.
-“I supposed you are happy now. See you.”- Lauren started walking towards the door, but Jordan stopped her.
-“Listen, I laughed because I know you are not being honest about what you are thinking, and that is the biggest problem you have most of the time. Do I need to hear why do you behave in that way? What is going on with you? Why are you acting like an idiot all the time? I cannot understand it.”
She was watching him, but she was not sure to speak her mind because Jordan has always expressed his passion about everything. The wrong answer would let him infer the wrong conclusion about her feelings, which would not be the best outcome for her. Especially, when she was not interested in Jordan as a couple but thinking about the differences between his husband and him, increase her desire for Jordan’s affection and actions to satisfy her. Lauren was not proud, but she could not stop it. Unconsciously she was comparing the reality with a different possibility, especially when Jordan was always there showing what was in his mind in specific and dubious manners.
-“Look, I had mentioned some silly comments because I was trying to find a way to laugh about something. I do not need to explain what? Because you have already known it from Mark, who is your best friend, so I am honest about my apology. It is not necessary that I gave you more details about the reasons behind my reaction. I need you understand that you will try to be wiser about your comments.”
-“Ok. You just decided to be the worst liar in the world. Shame on you. How do you think I am going to believe something like that. I am not an idiot. Are you jealous?”
-“My God. How could you…? How could you even think about something like that? It is disgusting. I am married, and you are his best friend. Stop now.”
With a smile on his face, he just says
–“You did not answer the question.” – He was looking directly into her eyes expecting a reaction.
She was bothered by his stupid arrogance so she avoids being a kind person and she only expressed:
-“Nevermind.” Afterwards, she turned giving him her back and leaving the room.
Jordan was sure that she was not honest that day. She was avoiding her thoughts but Why would she do something like that? They had been friends, and she had never confused her feelings for him, but her behaviour made him feel less sure about his interest. Especially, when it was the wrong path to get her. He was aware of the terrible mistake he would do. Even though, he was not able to keep the stupid idea out of his mind.